I stopped doing new artwork for the last couple of months. Why? It isn't because the art is not as important to me as before,no, it is mostly because a few changes appear in my life. My regular job, involving keep managing an small Association in Bulgaria, dealing with mentally ill people,take now all my time.
Considering myself responsible person, I try to develop its capacity, to build a good working team, and provide a excellent services,for people who need it.
Keeping an association, require a lot of energy,even more then I have expected . In Bulgaria a lot of bad things happens. Situation is terrible not only for ill people,but to all others,poverty,political corruption,negative attitude ,depression. So all this made my job even more difficult,challenging. I have all time consider myself strong person with strong principles, but I always question myself a lot. "Did I do the best?" is a question that appear in my mind often.
Never satisfied fully of what I did.
I am 35 years old. Turning myself behind, I see clearly what I was,what I am now.....why I did what I did. In matter of truth I have always been kind of outsider.
Never fully assimilated by the society, but still accommodating to in somehow,in some way. One of the things that mostly disturbed me was the feeling been alone in and around a lot of people,friends and families. Now, I just get used to it,doesn't hurt anymore. You now,when time pass, a lot of things just stop hurting you.
One of the changes that happens lately was the my possibility to travel around Europe. I am a poor woman living in a poor country, so obviously my travel options came from European Union grant I have received last year. Being as always responsible, I try to manage the project work professional ( overwhelming myself with new material to cover , new duties and a lot new things to learn). For me it is contradictive field....I will tell you later why.
Seeing how things really are in Europe, in real, testing the countries myself ...is more then great option. Not just sitting in the box, at my home town, thinking that I know how things really are. Europe itself is a great source of inspiration now ( maybe other places too, i just haven,t reach them still). But the challenging part comes with my struggle to create something for people who suffer mental disease in Bulgaria. And then I meet the hard time.......